The Kraken's Mate by Susan Trombley

Author:Susan Trombley [Trombley, Susan]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2018-05-19T16:00:00+00:00

Chapter 17

JOANIE

That night, as I lay in my bunk, I started to have a panic attack. This time, it wasn’t because of the close confines of my cabin, but rather because of Nemon, and my questions and doubts about what was happening between us. I’d taken it too far, and made promises I wasn’t certain I could—or even should—keep.

I feared that it was all happening too fast—too fast to be certain that there was something real there—actual emotion for each other and not just some biological imperative, or worse, some desperate need on my part. I began to doubt my own reasons for gravitating towards this relationship, fearing that too much time locked in a cell, being tortured and experimented on, had destroyed my better judgement, which—to be entirely honest—had never been that great to begin with.

Starting something with Nemon wouldn’t be like hooking up with some tourist in a night club, where I’d wake up the next morning feeling hungover and regretful, and then I’d slip out quietly to make the walk of shame to the nearest bus stop. This wasn’t something I could slip away from if it all went sideways, and if Nemon truly did feel strongly about me because of imprinting, then it would be brutal for him if I were to leave him.

Nor did I want to leave him. I just wanted to make sure my head was on straight before I made any more life decisions. I was scared. More scared than I’d ever been, even when I’d been a captive. Then, there had been no decision to make. It was all out of my control, and whatever happened to me was out of my hands. I couldn’t be to blame for the fallout of it.

This was entirely a different matter. Now, I had control over this situation. I didn’t need to know him for a long time to recognize that Nemon would never force me to choose him. He wanted me to accept him on my own. But what if I did, then I screwed things up all over again, like I always seemed to screw things up?

How many times had my impulsive decisions landed me into trouble? My mother had had to bail me out of trouble on more than one occasion, settling my debts for me so that I could start fresh, but there was always some new mistake waiting around the next corner for me to make it.

Nemon was my new impulse, and it was only now that I recognized it. I’d spent my entire life seeking the security and safety I’d never had as a child. I was looking for a home, and someone to care about me, since the one person who ever truly had, had died in a car wreck because of a drunk driver. Nearly ten years sober, and someone else’s addiction had ended up killing my mother. Life loved to kick me, over and over again, and I not only let it, I often laid on the ground so it could aim for my head.

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